Thursday, 12 July 2012
Avery is now a little over 18 months. Holy, how fast time flies! She went from looking like a scary mini Winsor:
To a toddler! A real girl!
On our way to the pool in Punta Cana!
She's no longer a baby...a lot of her baby fat went away and she went through a pretty big growth spurt. I was slightly concerned when she was about 13-14 months old because she had the craziest double chin and monster pot belly, but she slimmed down a lot in the last couple of months. At her 15 month check up, she was at her consistent 50th percentile, but at her last 18 month checkup a couple of days ago, we found that she now fell under the 75th percentile for height, weight and head circumference (thank god her head size matches her body... so far....).
She's saying sooooo many words. She can communicate with us and she's learning so many things at such a crazy pace. She understands everything we say which constantly surprises me. For instance, she insisted on putting on her own shorts one morning and was having trouble. So I just spoke to her like an adult, "Avery, you have to put in one foot at time, then stand up and pull your pants up." So she stopped what she was doing, thought about it for a moment, then put in her feet into the shorts one leg at a time. I helped her stand up and told her again, "Ok, now pull your pants up," and she did! It sounds like nothing, but where does an 18 month old learn things like "one leg at a time" or "pull your pants up" when it's never been taught? She is like a sponge and she tries to imitate everything we do. Which isn't always a good thing of course...
I have a love/hate relationship with her daycare. She's recently moved up a grade and she hates it, because her closest friends (which includes one Korean girl about 3 months younger than her) did not move up with her. In her new class, there are less teachers (4/5:1 ratio) and they are expected to do a lot more things on their own, such as eating. It's been about a week and she's cried every morning so far, which is very different from her other class, where she would run ahead and mingle with the other kids right away, completely ignoring me and barely giving me a wave goodbye. Her lunches have been coming back almost untouched as well, and by the time she gets home she's crying for food and "kka kka" (crackers). On the other hand, I can't baby her forever and I know that she will eventually catch up and get used to her new class. At least she's constantly engaged and learning new things every day. She gets to play outside with other kids on a daily basis, and twice a week she goes dressed in her bathing suit because they get to play with water toys and sprinklers. These are things I could never provide for her in our tiny town home, where there is barely enough room for her clothes (she has no closet and everything she owns is stuffed into three small drawers)!
At the Bronx Zoo
At Winsor's company picnic... Her first popsicle
I wanted to potty train her at 18 months, but her daycare doesn't provide baby toilets until the age of 2. I decided that there is no point in even starting because she'd have to remain in diapers all day anyway. This bothered me because I feel that she is ready now - she is sometimes dry in the morning and she knows all about the potty and what to do with it. I just haven't enforced it much, and recently, I've completely stopped after my conversation with her daycare. One of the reasons I wanted to start her early is because at the age of 2 she will have so many things on her plate (new baby brother, transitioning to a twin bed, etc) and I didn't want to add to the stress. But it looks like I no longer have a choice... I'm going to have two kids in diapers; something I wanted to try and avoid.
I try to tell her about the baby in my tummy. I'm not sure if she understands, but when I ask her where the baby is, she will pat my tummy and give it kisses. Oh God, the kisses! She is still ALLLLL about daddy, but for some strange reason, I get more unsolicited kisses than Winsor does. She will cling to daddy all day, then out of the blue (maybe she feels sorry for me) she will run over to me at random times to give me a dozen kisses, and sometimes even "passionate kisses" (where she grabs my cheeks with both hands while laying a HUGE one on me and yelling muahhhh!). Then of course she runs off to daddy again. But when Winsor asks her for kisses, she will only give him her cheek as if to say, "oh fine, yes you may. go head, just one now." I love her kisses and it's the only thing that I have that Winsor is jealous of. Whatever, I don't feel sorry for him one bit!
I LOVE having a daughter. It's to the point that I wouldn't have minded having another girl. I'm happy that I'm having a boy because it guarantees us one of each but for my third, I think I'd like to have another daughter. If I end up having a second boy, I'm definitely going for a fourth.
Obsessed much with Hello Kitty??
Anyway, I never thought I'd say that I love being a mom. Don't get me wrong, I still love my free time and I love not having to be with her 24/7 after dropping her off at school (and nope, I don't feel guilty one bit!). Yes the weekends wear me out and yes her tantrums get on my nerves and yes raising a baby is just so super duper hard. But I do love her with all my heart, and I am finally starting to realize what it is to be a mom, and where that love comes from. I just wish she wasn't growing up so fast. I feel as if I've missed the last three months of her life because I was so incredibly tired and queasy during my first trimester and didn't have the energy to enjoy her milestones. Sometimes I look back on pictures taken just a couple of months ago and she already looks so different! I need to make more of an effort to take more pictures. I know I will regret it if I don't and I won't even realize it until it's too late!
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
50 Shades of Grey was the absolute worst book I have ever read in my life. It's to the point that I'm embarrassed to admit that I read it, and it's not because it's a sex book. The only reason I finished it is because I paid money for it, and every time I stopped reading it, I got angry at the fact that I actually believed this would be a good book. So I'd pick it up again. Then I'd stop again because it was so annoying. But then I wondered if it would get better; if the book would redeem itself. So I'd pick it up again, then stop again because it was just so freaking ridiculous.
What made this book worse was that I found out after purchasing the book, that it was originally Twilight fan fiction and the main characters were Edward and Bella. When I heard that the book was Twilight for moms, I didn't really think that it was literally... Twilight for moms. The similarities are there - Anastasia Steele (oh god, yes her name is really Anastasia Steele) is clumsy and dumpy and has no idea that everyone is in love with her. Christian Grey is filthy rich and can do whatever he wants, and is totally possessive of "Ana". But when I bought this book I was expecting romance and love. I've read erotic fiction in the past so it really wasn't the sex that turned me off. What turned me off was Grey. In Twilight, yes Edward is possessive of Bella, but it was toned down enough that it was attractive. and you knew why he was possessive -he was a vampire and he wanted to protect her (Ok, I know I'm reaching but hey, I had FUN reading Twilight!) Not many girls will admit it, but every girl loves being possessed just a teeny tiny bit. We all want a man that acts like a man. Grey, however, is psycho. I mean absolutely crazy psycho. He's addicted to fetish sex and finds pleasure in "punishing" the girls in his "relationships", which of course is sealed by an actual contract (and there is actually a whole chapter dedicated to going through the ENTIRE contract). Whenever Ana talks back, he wants to beat her and a couple of times, he does. He spanks her butt raw and then throughout the book whenever she "rolls her eyes" or "talks back" to the almighty Grey, he threatens to put her across his knee. And then he gets AROUSED thinking about spanking her.
When Edward forced Bella to eat (a couple of times in the book), it was cute. When Christian Grey forced Ana to eat, he does so in like every single chapter and it was to the point that I was yelling out loud, "Jesus, get over it she's not hungry WTF!" What made it worse is that over the course of the book, Ana started to feel GUILTY that she didn't eat. She didn't want to be PUNISHED by Grey for not eating! This book was insulting, I was totally turned off by Grey and his severe psychological issues (The dominant/submissive thing is not the only thing wrong with this winner... he's got a number of serious problems - he was molested as a kid by his mother's friend, who he currently is still close with, he doesn't like to be touched in any way, and he's incapable of having a real relationship because everything has to be discussed via that ridiculous contract). By the end of the book, I think she actually does leave him because he beats her pretty badly (with her permission of course - she wanted to see how "bad" it could get). But seeing as there are books 2 and 3 out there, she obviously runs back to him in full battered wife mode.
Before I found out this book was originally fan fiction, I had a feeling it was. I actually thought to myself about two chapters in, "wow, I feel like I'm reading amateur fan fiction!" The writing is terrible and honestly all this book contains is pages and pages of describing the life of dominant/submissive fetish sex by a dysfunctional guy. I'm sure there are people out there who are into that, but I was shocked this book did so well because there was nothing in there for someone like me (and what I thought was the majority of women), who wanted romance. There was none of it in this book. I found it hard to believe that people actually got aroused while reading this it. It was just disgusting. Honestly halfway through the book whenever Grey and Ana started "getting it on" I rolled my eyes and skimmed past it because it was so repetitive and annoying. And they're making this book into a movie? I can't imagine how they could without labeling it as porn, because there is barely any real content to the book. There's no real story or character development or anything much of substance other than porn sex. Seriously, I can already hear the cheesy soundtrack while a sleazy looking Grey slowly ties an obnoxiously big boobed and pigtailed Ana to the bed and blindfolds her. The pigtails are actually in the book. gag.
And until the day I die, I will cringe whenever I heard the words "Inner Goddess". *CRINGE* Seriously, if you are my friend and you ever talk to me while referring to your "Inner Goddess", I will no longer be your friend. You will be dead to me.
In all seriousness, it bothers me that this book one of the most talked about books lately and because it's getting so much publicity, even making the news for "knocking Hunger Games off the top of the best sellers list". Kids will hear about this book and want to read it, especially because it is being compared to Twilight. It really grosses me out that young kids will be influenced by this book and start thinking that this is what life and sex is really like for adults. DISGUSTING!
Thursday, 14 June 2012
About a week ago, my work laptop broke down, so I had to purchase another one. Since it was for work and it had to be a laptop, I decided to go with Best Buy's refurbished computers. I didn't need the best computer, the price was decent, and I've purchased refurbished before with no issues.
About 24 hours later after receiving my computer I realized that it had no sound. I first noticed this strange clicking noise. Then I realized that there was no Windows start up tune or IM alert sounds when clients IMed me. I fiddled around with the settings, but the computer claimed everything was working properly. I tried to play a youtube video and the computer only produced strange clicking noises. I knew that it wasn't the volume because I was hearing something, but I couldn't figure out how to get it fixed because it probably had to do with either the sound card or the speaker. The next day I decided to take the computer back to Best Buy to have the "Geek Squad" take a look at it. The guy there turned my computer on and immediately went to the sound settings are started doing tests on a few sound schemes.
GS Loser: It works fine.
Me: Excuse me?
GS Loser: It works, see?
He clicked on the "test" button for some of the Windows sound schemes, but all I heard was the same clicking sound.
Me: (The guy thought that the clicking sound was the correct sound!) Um... It's just a clicking sound. Its not supposed to sound like that. Try playing a video on youtube and you'll hear the same sound. (idiot!)
Half an hour later, he gives up trying to figure out the issue and tells me that it's probably the sound card or the speaker (duh) and tells me that my only option is to return this computer and purchase another one. I was super annoyed but what was I going to do with a useless computer? Unfortunately, I left the charger at home, so I headed back home to get the charger and also delete all my private settings on the computer before I return it. An hour later, I was back out the door. As an afterthought, I grabbed the box that it was shipped in from the outside deck. I was planning on throwing it away but decided to take it back with me since I was returning the computer.
An hour later, I was back at Best Buy with the laptop and charger in one hand, and the empty box in the other.
The same guy that helped me an hour ago was there to 'help me' again. He grabbed the box, then cried out suddenly.
GS Loser: I can't take that back. There's a bug in it and there's all this stuff in it.
GS Loser: There's a bug in it. I can't take that back!
I peered into the box. It was outside on my deck for the past two days, and a moth had flown into the box along with a couple of leaves.
Me: It's just a moth. The box had been outside.
GS Loser: Well I can't take that back now.
Me: (Taking the box back) That's fine, I'll just throw it out.
GS Loser: No, I can't take that laptop back.
Me: Excuse me?
GS Loser: I can't take the laptop back. There's a bug in the box.
Me: WHAT?!? (I wrote that in all caps and made it BOLD to emphasize the fact that I screamed that word out like a banshee)
GS Loser: I'm not gonna take it back. (He takes a few steps back and makes a big show of applying purell on his hands and arms up to his elbows. HIS ELBOWS.)
Me: Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell does a moth in the box have to do with a broken laptop? (He just stood there and shook his head) Are you shitting me?!!! (Yes, I said fuck and shit. There was no way in hell that I was going to be stuck with an 650 dollar bill because the guy was scared of a freaking moth!)
The guy refused to budge! I was starting to cause a scene and there was even a couple of very amused spectators. Finally a manager came to the scene and the GS Loser explained the situation. The manager had a funny expression on his face as he said of course they can take back the laptop. Of course you can. who in their right mind would actually refuse to refund a broken lap top two days after purchase because of a bug in the shipping box?
It seemed that GS Loser was somewhat embarrassed after that and sent me on my way to customer service to get the refund.
But now I had another issue. I purchased Office 2010 student for excel and word. I had a three-use license key but already used one for this computer. I forgot to uninstall the program on the computer and I wanted to make sure I still had three license keys after I return it. So I asked GS Loser, who had now turned into GS Dick, about getting my license key back. He mumbled something about having to ask the customer service about that. I walked over to Customer Service to get the refund on the computer (finally!) and asked her about the license key issue.
Do you know what she did? She walked over to the Geek Squad counter, and asked GS Dick the SAME question! And you know who answered that question? GS DICK! YES! He knew the answer to the question but didn't feel like telling me. So I watched as he told the customer service person the answer, and as the customer service person walked back to me to tell me the answer. The kicker is that I had another question on top of that, so I had to watch again as the customer service person walked BACK to GS Dick to ask him my second question, then as GS Dick himself was forced to walk over to me to help me. WHAT A DICK.
Dear Geek Squad, as a guy, freaking out over a moth and a couple of leaves is bad enough. But being so skeeved that you actually refuse to complete a refund order for a laptop and then act like a baby about the situation is a TOTAL FAIL. Please grow a pair. Thank you.
Thursday, 31 May 2012
I'm currently reading a book called "Do Chocolate Lovers Have Sweeter Babies?". It's a book written by a scientist (I think) who wrote this book while she was pregnant with her first child. She wondered if any of the common, old fashioned myths held any truth to them scientifically and she decided to do a bit of research. I have to admit that although she loses me sometimes when she goes on and on about genes and hormones, for the most part the book is utterly fascinating! The author answers questions like:
Why do you have vivid dreams while pregnant?
Can you tell if you're having a boy or a girl?
Does excessive heartburn mean you will have a baby with a full head of hair?
She also goes into how environment or food will affect the baby, how different levels of stress can make or break your baby, and so many other fascinating things. Of course, these are all theories, and you have to take these theories with a grain of salt. However everything is backed up with extensive research and experiments. This book is not for the PETA lover though, because almost every chapter lists some sort of experiment that was done on lab rats and other animals.
Anyway, I'm not quite done with the book, but I read a chapter that kind of hit me a bit, and it's making me rethink my birthing plan for my next child. Basically the author discusses what happens in the first hour after birth. A test done on mice where baby pups were "separated from their mother shortly after birth let out cries of distress as if they were being tortured and their stress hormones rocketed. Over a long period of time, they became sickly and brain damaged." People may think this is cruel, but this is what happens to babies and their mom's every day in hospitals. Babies are placed on mom's chest for about a minute before they are taken away to be weighed, fingerprinted, and checked for health. Moms who have C-sections sometimes don't see their babies for almost 24 hours after birth!
The book states that in the first hour of birth, the "golden hour", babies have a super-sensitive sense of smell and whatever odors they encounter, even unfamiliar ones, are imprinted in their memory. This window is extremely short however, and babies exposed to these same smells 12 hours after birth showed no memory or preference for them later. This is why babies tend to prefer their mothers or caregivers over others.
This impression goes both ways - having the baby close to the mom will trigger ocytocin and prolactin, which make you produce milk. "If you spend the hour in an intimate embrace with your baby, you are 8 times more likely to breastfeed spontaneously than a mother who doesn't." Your milk will come in much faster, you may also get a better latch from your baby, and they tend to regain their birth weight more quickly.
The author goes on and on about the benefits of the "golden hour" (the window is literally only an hour!) with your newborn, and it's too long to summarize here. But this chapter made me think about Avery's birth. I was in labor for 22 hours before having an emergency C-section. After birth, my body was literally worn down and I started to shake like crazy. I was also so out of it that I couldn't make sense of what was around me. Winsor held Avery and tried to show her to me, but it didn't even register that I had a baby, and my first thought was, "what the heck is that?" I never touched her, or held her, or barely even looked at her. I literally could not even turn my head to see her; I had my eyes closed the entire time and was trying to will my body to stop shaking. It took about 45 minutes to an hour for the doctors to stitch me back up, and during that entire time, Winsor held Avery while sitting next to me. Then they took her away to the NICU to monitor her while they placed me in a hospital room. I woke up hours later, finally feeling more like myself, but I wasn't allowed to see Avery until much, much later. Also, because she was in the NICU, They weren't allowed to bring her to me - I had to go to see her. Trust me - walking, even if it's just down the hall, right after you've had a 22 hour labor and C-Section is NOT FUN. The next 5 days in the hospital was a blur of tears, pain and frustration.
A year and a half later, Avery is 1000% Daddy's girl. I know that they say girls attach to daddy and boys attach to mommy, but damn, she is just ALL about dad. Seriously the only time she attaches to me is if Winsor is not around. Even then she sometimes wanders around the house looking for "baba, baba" (Avery talk for Ah-pah, which means daddy). Winsor usually gets her in the morning, but the few times when he had to go into work early and the task fell to me, she would cry at the sight of me and start whining for baba. Also, when Winsor is holding her, she will probably come to me about 1 out of every 10 times I ask her to. In public, I usually let her be with her dad because I prefer to have my heart broken only at home where there are no witnesses. I'm totally exaggerating because she doesn't hate me of course, but it's very obvious who she prefers. Anyway, I wondered if the fact that Winsor held her during the golden hour had anything to do with her attachment to him? I wondered if the reason I didn't touch her at all until almost a day later prevented her from bonding to me? I always joke that Winsor can keep her and I'll just have another baby to have for my own, but all jokes aside, it's truly heartbreaking because it makes me feel less of a mother...
For my second birth, I was strongly advised to have another C-Section by two different doctors, because of my first birth and the fact that it would be just shy of two years (which is the minimum time needed to heal before having a VBAC - Vaginal birth after Csection). My biggest concern was the recovery time, and that continuing to have a C-Section would allow me to have only 3 babies, and I wanted to option to have four (not that i WILL, just saying I want the OPTION to calm down people lol). I was assured that I can have a 4th baby if I wanted to, and I was also assured that recovery would be much better since it's a scheduled C-Section, vs an emergency C-Section that was performed on a worn down body after 22 hours of labor. Also, apparently if something goes wrong during a VBAC, they would only have about 5 minutes to get me to an operating room before me or my baby would die. GULP. I'm secretly terrified of pushing a baby out, so hearing all these things assured me that having a C-section wouldn't be so bad. But after reading about the golden hour, and also a recent article claiming that C-Section babies have twice the chance of becoming obese, made me wonder if I should attempt to have a VBAC for baby 2. I want to be able to provide the best environment possible for baby #2 to feel secure and to be able to bond with me, even if it's just a theory (and I'm sure there are millions of babies attached to mommy without the golden hour bond), and I want to go with the birthing plan that will allow me to spend as much of this golden hour as possible cuddling with my newborn. If it means pushing out a watermelon out of the hole the size of a lemon and risk pooping all over my doctor, then so be it.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Soooo... Avery has been home sick for the last two days. Thank god it wasn't three because I don't think she would have survived another day with me.
Day 1: I was trying to bring out Avery's tricycle through the front door. she's obsessed with it and was trying to get me to put it down so she can ride it, when all of a sudden while I was turning, one of the wheels smacked her in the nose. Obviously she cried for a while, and I hugged her and held her to try and calm her. Finally when she stopped, I put her down and realized that her nose was bleeding! I screamed and freaked and wiped it away with a tissue and Q tip. I was pretty bad and I felt TERRIBLE because it was the first time that Avery drew blood, EVER. I'm assuming that it looked worse than it was because after she stopped crying she didn't act as if she was in pain in any way, even though blood was smeared all over her nose and cheeks. UGH.
Day 2: So, I finally ordered an umbrella stroller for Avery for our family trip this summer and I saw it on our front doorstep. I was returning from a trip to Babies R Us so I had Avery in one arm and a huge bag of goodies in the other arm, which included a Melissa and Doug wooden puzzle and some art supplies for finger painting. I opened the door and placed the shopping bag in the house, and then put Avery down. Then I brought in the umbrella stroller, which came in a long, rectangular box. I placed the box upright and leaned it against the wall in the house (I KNOW! DUMB!). You're never going to believe what happened next.
Avery was standing over the bag of toys trying to get her hands on some of the goodies. Then, the boxed stroller decided to fall over. It hit Avery in the back of the head, and she fell forward head first into the bag. She busted her lip on something, probably the finger paints, and her forehead landed right on the edge of the wooden puzzle. TRIPLE UGHHHH! I almost cried because I felt so bad. She had blood coming out of her mouth and I was terrified that I knocked out a tooth or something, but it was just a cut on her upper lip. Her forehead however is a different story. she now has a perfect red line across her forehead from the edge of the puzzle. I have a feeling it's going to bruise, and her day care teachers probably think I abuse my poor child, sending her back to school with a busted lip and a bruise on her forehead. The stroller was also really heavy, about 22 pounds (even though the stroller is only supposed to be 11, for some reason the box claims to be 22 pounds) and it really must have hurt landing on her head like that.
I am seriously the worst mother ever!
What makes it worse is that nobody seems to know what is wrong with her and why she has a fever. She has no other symptoms, her throat is fine and her ears are fine, but just has this strange fever. As long as I give her advil and tylenol, she acts perfectly fine. So this morning, I doped her up on medicine and sent her back to school. (hey, I had a doctors note saying I can take her back the day before, but I decided to keep her home one more day). Honestly, I don't know how SAHMs do it. What do you do keep your kid busy all day long? I read every book I had to her multiple times, took her outside three times, colored with her, did everything I can possibly think of to keep her busy, but found myself constantly falling back on TV after realizing that like, only a half hour has passed by or something ridiculous like that. Normally, she rarely gets any TV at all (only 30 minutes on Saturdays and Sundays) but these past two days she got sooooo much TV. I felt like I was rotting her brain! At least in daycare, she is constantly engaged, is learning things, and has friends that she can play with.
I've always wanted to be a SAHM because I felt that the baby's first year should be with the mom, and I hated the idea of having to hire a nanny who will most likely do it wrong, but you have no choice but to rely on them to raise your baby. But at 16 months, I'm not sure I have it in me to properly engage my child and teach them the things that they need to know. I'm sure it's because I didn't have to until now (even our weekends are usually packed with us traveling to see family or attending a birthday of some kind), and I'm sure that if I was a SAHM things would be different and I would know what to do. In some ways though, because I work, I feel as if I don't know how to properly take care of my child, and that kind of makes me sad. I almost felt like I was babysitting and didn't really know what to do with her.
These last couple of days was really hard on me. It didn't help that I got NO work done at all and I have a business trip coming up which requires me to travel on Sunday (yes, mother's day) through Tuesday, which I'm totally unprepared for since I lost two days of work, AND it doesn't help that I'm pregnant, SUPER tired, super hormonal, and just overall have NO energy at all (yes! I'm pregnant! another baby! I must be crazy right?!). It kind of gave me a taste of what it would have been like if I didn't work and was a SAHM, I don't know if I'd be able to do it. Seriously, moms.... Kudos to you for being able to stay home to take care of your kids. Honestly, I'd love to hear about a typical day from the moms who stay home, if you're willing to share.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Most of you may know that my dad was sick for many years, over the course of more than 20, before finally passing away last year. He started out with Colon cancer at the age of 35, then Whipple cancer, then stage FOUR cancer in his neck and throat that required heavy duty chemo and radiation, then colon cancer again. During his third major surgery, the doctor noted a small ulcer on his stomach, but he chose to leave it alone because the priority at the time was to remove most of his colon, to prevent any future cancers from forming. A couple of years later during a routine scan, they noticed another growth on his stomach. They didn't know what it was, so they waited, and waited... and did more rounds of chemo because they thought it was cancer, but the growth didn't go away. Finally because my dad's pain was so severe, they had no choice to open him back up. It turned out that the ulcer that the doctor chose to leave alone during his last surgery, had eaten away most of his stomach and part of his other organs. He was in the hospital for months, unable to eat anything and sustaining solely on IV and pain medication (they couldn't even get a feeding tube in him... and they tried twice), before his final surgery to attempt to fix the damage. He never recovered and finally passed away.
Back several years ago, way before his throat cancer, my dad had a golf ball sized growth on the side of his neck. I begged him to get it removed since he was such high risk for cancer, but his primary care physician assured him that it was a benign cyst, and nothing to worry about. It ended up getting so big that it became bothersome, so he finally had it surgically removed. They tested the cyst, and it turned out that it WAS cancer, a very rare form of cancer, that is usually found on people with a gene anomaly. He immediately got a test done to check for this gene anomaly, and the test turned out positive.
I don't know much about it, but apparently, those with this gene anomaly are at a much higher risk for cancer of the digestive system, particularly stomach, intestine, or colon cancer at a particularly young age. It's also hereditary and there is a 50% chance that offspring will also have this gene anomaly. I only know because my dad's doctor called me shortly after my dad's death, and asked my brother and I to come in for a test. I ran it by my brother but of course he was terrified and reluctant. My mom however forbid us to take the test. She said it's better not to know, and that she wouldn't be able to handle the results. She also told us that the only reason this doctor wanted us to test at all is for his research, rather than because he cared about our well being (the hospital he works at is a university research hospital). I on the other hand felt that it was better TO know. It wouldn't prevent the cancers of course, but if I turned out positive, I would have to get a screening every two years, where there is a better chance of catching anything very early on.
Anyway, this all happened around a year ago. We never got around to taking the test and although it would be on my mind sometimes, I never really brought it up to my brother again. Then a few weeks ago, I was at an OBGYN appointment. Since I recently moved back to NJ, this was my first time seeing her. She asked me stuff about my medical history, and when I mentioned my dad's medical history of colon cancer, she strongly advised that I be tested for Lynch Syndrome. A quick internet search told me that Lynch syndrome is a genetic condition that predisposes people to colon cancer and other cancers as well. While most people have about a six percent chance of developing colon cancer at some point in their lives, people with Lynch syndrome have about an 80 percent chance. Women with Lynch syndrome also have about a 10 percent chance of developing ovarian cancer and a 50 percent chance of developing uterine cancer (which is why my obgyn is the one mentioning the test). Lynch syndrome is caused by mutations in specific genes, so I'm pretty sure that this is the same test that my dad's doctor wanted me to take, and most likely the cause for so many of my dad's illnesses. My doctor told me that she will set me up for a test on my next visit, and sent me on my way.
I didn't think anything of it at the time, and just thought, hey I guess it's better to know. but I just saw on my calendar today that my appointment is coming up! I had a mini meltdown and wondered if I wanted to take the test at all. I knew that if I took it on my own, my brother will NEVER go on his own because he's just like my mom - it's better not to know. I wondered if I should tell my mom I was going to take the test? What would I do if I was positive? I'm approaching 34 years old, (Holy cow, I just realized I AM 34 years old!) which is only a year from when my dad started getting sick. I couldn't help but wonder if I was fated to go through the same things my dad did.
If you had the choice to know whether or not you had a higher percentage of dying early or inheriting a severe illness, would you take it? There's no guarantee that you will get the illness of course, and you will only know that you "may" get sick. Is it better not to know at all, or would you want to know? For something like this, "being healthy" and "eating right" really doesn't have much to do with it. My dad was pretty healthy, constantly worked out, and there was no sport he couldn't master. He got sick because of a genetic disorder that was passed down to him, and in that sense, he was just unlucky. But would anything have changed if he knew at age 35 that he had Lynch Syndrome?
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Way back when I was about 7 months pregnant with Avery, I started having crazy abdominal pains. It came out of nowhere, sudden and sharp, and sometimes it made me double over in pain. It was low in my stomach, towards the back near my butt area. It would come and go though, so I didn't think much about it. But then one night while I was sleeping the pain was so intense I woke up Winsor because I was worried something was happening to the baby.
I called the doctor and she asked me to come in for a sonogram to make sure the baby was ok. I was really nervous because I had no idea what could cause this stomach pain, so naturally I was scared. The sonogram technician didn't help because her expression was deadpan and she barely spoke while she was checking on the baby. Once, she pressed an area of my lower stomach and I yelped out in pain. She then told me she was going to show the pictures to the doctor, and would be right back.
I waited in the room by myself for about 10 minutes, freaking out and thinking the worst of the worst. Finally a male doctor came in the room with a folder holding the pictures that the technician took.
Male Doctor: Well, it doesn't look like anything is wrong with the baby.
Me: Oh good! Then what was the issue?
Male Doctor: Well, the pain was low and towards the back?
Me: yes... and it was really bad for a while.
Male Doctor: The pain didn't really have anything to do with your uterus or the baby....
Me: Oh? What does that mean? Then what would cause that much pain?
Male Doctor: Well, its... air.. or... *cough* gas...
GAS? My eyes widened in horror and embarrassment as I stared at him. He stared right back at me. His upper lip twitched twice, but other than that kept a straight face as he told me that the cause of my pain was because I needed to FART.
Male Doctor: You could try going for a wal---
Me: Thank you doctor.
What made this even more mortifying was that it was a male doctor. A male doctor had to tell me to go for a walk to relieve my pent up gas. He was probably cracking up in the locker room telling all the boys about it. Oh, what did you do today? Open heart surgery. Oh cool, I did brain surgery. What about you? I told a pregnant lady to get her lazy ass off the the couch and move around a little so that can fart and stop having abdominal pains. BAHAHAHAHA!
Tuesday, 06 March 2012
After catching up on Walking Dead, Winsor and I had a pretty big discussion on the outcome of the last episode.
**Spoiler Alert! Don't read if you haven't watched yet!**
A couple of episodes ago, the group butt heads with another human party, and barely escaped. One guy, who was shooting at them, tried to jump off the roof of a building and got his leg caught in a gate. It didn't look as though he'd make it, so his friends left him behind. Instead of leaving him as well, Rick, Glenn, and Hershel decide to free the boy and take him with them, only to bandage him up and let him go in the middle of nowhere to die. When that didn't work out, they brought him back to the farm and tortured him for information about his group. The prisoner's group consisted mostly of men who are known to pillage and rape, and it was obvious that him and his gang were a threat, so it was decided that they were going to execute him to prevent him from escaping and bringing his gang back to the farm.
During the episode, Dale, the old man who has been the voice of reason on the show, tries to convince everyone that killing this man was not the answer. In the end they do decide to go through with the execution, but Rick backs out last minute because his son showed up and wanted to watch.
I was annoyed because I felt they wasted two episodes on this when I felt they should have just left the guy for dead to begin with. He was an enemy and he was badly injured. So why save him, only to dump him again to be eaten by zombies anyway? Dale's argument for saving the boys life was that if you choose to execute him, you should be present during the execution, instead of pretending it never happened. How is that different from dropping him off in the middle of nowhere and pretending he'll make it on his own? I think that is the same as execution. I would rather be shot in the head, than to be left alone to fend for myself with no weapons or shelter.
Winsor felt that the group would not be able to survive with such a small number, and an addition to the group who is a man would have brought value. Because his friends left him behind, there was no reason for him to want to go back to them. He was in a much better situation at the farm with Rick and his group, and the only reason he was with that group in the first place is because he was trying to survive. He felt that the group has become "us vs them" in every aspect, and that it was just spiraling out of control.
While I do agree with everything he said, I think that it went way too far to save the situation. They tortured him, talked about killing him within his earshot, and treated him terribly from the start. At this point, he was never going to trust them, and they were never going to trust him. So based on what has happened in the episode, there was nothing left to do but kill him. When Dale was trying to save him, I found myself getting annoyed because honestly, I felt that at that point there was just no other option! Winsor agreed, but did feel that they didn't have the right to execute a human being in a world where human life is so rare and precious.
At the end of the episode, Dale is killed by a Zombie (which also annoyed me, because it was the fault of Rick's son aka little shit), and it marked the death of the only conscience the group had. What will happen now when there is nobody to remind them how to be civilized? Dale bugged me back when he was going a little too far to prevent Andrea from committing suicide, and then by hiding the group's guns from Shane and endangering everyone else's lives in the process. But now that he's gone, I'm really sad about it because sometimes you need that guy nagging you all the time about doing the right thing. Especially for someone like me, who was shouting at the screen to freaking kill the guy and be done with it already. Despite everything, Dale was a good person and didn't deserve to die that way.
I think I detach myself from TV shows and forget what it could be like in real life. Walking dead isn't real, so it's obvious to go the easy route and murder a young man to save the rest of the group because it's the logical thing to do. I wonder what I would feel if I were actually living it? Would I detach myself from the situation and prevent myself from feeling anything? I've always thought that I would be capable of killing someone if I had to, in self defense, or if the person was truly evil and deserved to die. Anyone can argue though, who am I to say who deserves to live or die? I guess that was the point of the episode.
What would you do if you were in a zombie apocalypse, and you had to make a decision to kill another human being to protect the rest of the group and the only shelter you had?
Saturday, 03 March 2012
It's pretty well known that I have the worst luck in the world. The worst! But this week takes the prize, I think. A few days ago I received a ticket in the mail for a moving violation. Apparently I ran a red light and there it was, in color, three pictures of my car passing a red light. Now, I never run red lights. Why would I? I even get mad at Winsor whenever he runs reds and I drive like your grandmother. I remembered that day, too. I had gone to Micheal's during my lunch break to pick up a few things. I wasn't in any hurry or anything so there would be no reason for me to intentionally run a red. I must have passed through a yellow that turned red before I made it past the intersection. annoying! 140 dollars down the drain just like that. And who gets tickets in the MAIL? Only me of course.
But then today, on my way home from dinner with friends, I was driving not 2 minutes when I got pulled over. I was shocked because I wasn't speeding, I had my seat belt on, and I wasn't doing anything wrong. It turned out that one of my headlights were out, and I was asked for my license and registration by some cop playing tough guy. I was actually driving my mom's car that night and I turned the car inside out trying to find the paperwork but it was nowhere to be found. I was forced to call her (it was getting close to midnight) to ask her where she might have placed it. And guess what? The license and registration was in her wallet!
I tried to explain that to the cop but he wasn't having it. Winsor even texted me a picture of the insurance card but the cop gave me the worst attitude and claimed it wasn't "proof" that I was covered and refused to even look at the picture!! Then he threatened to have my car impounded.
Then he did this whole show of "having a change of heart". He told me to sit tight while he goes back to his car to "see what he can do for me". I waited for over 15 minutes and the cop finally came back holding not one, not two, but THREE tickets, for headlight, registration, and insurance. I also have a mandatory court date, in which he said he MAY be able to help dismiss a couple of the tickets if I show up with my insurance card and a receipt proving I fixed the headlight. Then he said he was doing me a huge favor by not towing my car.
I think Bergen cops are the absolute worst and meanest dickwads on the face of this earth. I don't care if your mother is a Bergen cop, I hate her too. I'm just so upset because he really didn't have to do what he did. He could have looked at the picture of the insurance card and let me off the hook. You want to be a dick and give me a ticket for the light? I can live with that. But three tickets? F YOU! What made it worse was that he totally asserted his authority on me to make me feel he had the power to take away my car and leave me stranded in the middle of the night. I know that he technically DID have the authority, but really was that necessary?
I am probably the only person in the world that something like this would happen to. I wondered how I lasted so long without being pulled over and then I realized - I've been living in Astoria and probably haven't been driving regularly for years! Geez, and I've only been in NJ for a few months. I wonder what will happen to me next? FML.
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Everyone has been asking me to post a picture of my brow and liner tattoos. I had a few pics that I took right after with my phone but then lost my phone, and therefore lost the pictures. Since then I've been too lazy to take another one and transfer to the computer to post. But then a friend asked me for Sophia's info and begged for a pic, so I snapped one quickly and texted it over to her. So now I'm testing out this Xanga app for real (loving the app BTW!!!!) and using it to post a pic from my phone. Here's a shot of my tattoos! I'm not wearing any makeup at all so please excuse my sallow face and the dark circles under my eyes. Unfortunately there's no tattoo that will help my complexion. Hahaha