Winsor was reading a copy of Esquire magazine he found laying around when he came across an article titled "10 Things You Don't Know About Women". He elbowed me with a chuckle and motioned for me to read it, pointing specifically at number 9:

"You like to focus on your pecs at the gym, but its your inguinal ligament - that line that goes from your lower hip to your special place - that makes us ovulate on sight."

I burst out laughing. How true, how true!

The reason I found it so funny is because Winsor and I have been trying to go to the gym a lot more often recently, and for some reason he just loves to work on his chest. I've also known more than a handful of other guys who go to the gym regularly and most can barely contain their excitement on "chest day". It's also evident in the fact that guys always seem to ask each other, "So how much can you bench press?" and never "So how many hip ligament enhancing exercises can you do?"

Winsor tried to explain why chest exercises might be popular a couple of times but it came out sounding like a jarbled alien language.  No matter how I see it, a guy walking around with a shelf under his chin doesn't seem hot in my opinion. I don't know any girls that find large chests attractive, do you? It just boggles my mind.

But I think most girls will agree with me when I say that ligament - that holy ligament - is definitely hot. Not only does it look totally sexy, I think it's hot mainly because that kind of definition seems virtually impossible to achieve for the average male.  Chest and arms are easy, but in order to get that lower stomach definition, you're going to have to be pretty darn jacked. I actually dislike bulk and muscle, and that inguinal ligament looks especially awesome on a nice, lean build. Drooool.

How does a man even go about getting that ligament defined? I have no idea, because I only seem to see it on guys like Brad Pitt or Jacob-from-New-Moon (not to be mistaken for Jacob-from-Twilight).  It's like this mysterious and legendary thing - something you only see in movies but you know is totally unrealistic in real life.

Hahaha, I just laughed out loud. Out of curiosity I googled "inguinal ligament workout" and saw this:





What part of the body turns you on the most?

I thought this was funny:

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2106474/wantmywifeback

The guy is obviously just trying to be funny but apparently the link leads to fan fiction that is written by a man who misses his wife after she discovered the Twilight books. So in the hopes of winning back his wife, he has written Twilight fan fiction with sexual content. I just thought it was hilarious because he claims that there’s no longer food in the house and that he’s eaten the last of the toothpaste. Ask Winsor what he thinks of Twilight and he will cry out, “Edward sucks!”. And remember the email I got from Jess’s husband a while back demanding I explain what happened to his own wife?

I almost didn’t post about this because I didn’t want to admit that I got this link from a Twilight fan blog, because then I’d have to admit that I follow not one, but two Twilight fan blogs - and despite my tendency toward freakish obsessions I still thought it was a little too much to admit something like that, especially at the age of 31.

I remember the one and only time I read fan fiction. It was a couple of weeks before Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was about to be released. I even remember that I was working in midtown NYC at the time, so I know it was almost seven years ago. I somehow came across a link that claimed to lead to the “leaked” book online, available for download. Deep down I knew that it was fan fiction, but I was in Harry Potter mode and needed a fix… so I downloaded it anyway. Seven years later I still think that reading the fake “book” was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. To this day I have a skewed memory of the Harry Potter books, because not long after I read the fake version, the real version was released. I kept getting confused about what was going on. Did Ron really die? Did Harry and Hermoine really get married and have a kid together? Did the Order of the Phoenix really have to do with a Phoenix? Why did the Phoenix kill Professor Charles Xavier???? I am so confused!!

When the movie came out, I was even more confused, and wasn’t sure if they left stuff out of the actual book, or from the fan fiction. I guess could’ve read the books all over again, but would you have reread a book that thick?

After that I decided never to go anywhere near fan fiction again, so I have no idea if this Twilight guy is even any good. To be honest one of the reasons I like Twilight is because the love story is pretty innocent in a very cheesy and K-drama-ish way. For a man to write a very sexual story about a teenage girl still in highschool is a little disturbing to me in my opinion.

I can’t wait for New Moon. We already bought the tickets, and we’re counting down the days. I say “we” because I swear I’m not the only one who feels this way. I swear!


For the mommies. For about two seconds I wished I had a baby so that I can buy this, but then I realized that those things need to be fed, and that they cry a lot. The babies, not the onesie.

Last night, I witnessed a person do what is called a "suicide shot".

Instead of taking a normal tequila shot with training wheels (salt and lemon), you are supposed to snort the salt, drink the tequila, and then squirt the lemon in your eye.

He has been talking about this legendary shot for as long as I can remember, and I never believed that it was a real shot, nor did I believe he actually did it for fun. But he did it, and he's still alive. They tried to get me to try one as well but of course I was sane enough to politely decline.

I can't decide which I think would hurt more - snorting salt, or squirting lemon in your eye. I mean, you're SNORTING SALT and squirting LEMON IN YOUR EYE. Who does that? Why would you do that?

The guys also did what they called a "hungry man", which is like an Irish Carbomb, only with a shot of Wild Turkey, placed in a glass of milk. MILK!

Would you do a Suicide shot or a Hungry Man shot?